There is no doubting the universally held belief that relationships matter in schools. In particular, the relationships teachers have with their students have been found to be a key driver of classroom experience, student learning engagement and overall student motivation and wellbeing at school[i].
But what does a healthy teacher: student relationship look like, sound like, and feel like?
My work developing whole-school wellbeing frameworks affords me the opportunity to explore teacher: student relationships within in-depth conversations with both teachers and students, in many different schools. Throughout 2023 and 2024 I spoke with more than 500 students from a broad range of Australian schools, and more than 200 of their teachers. Through these conversations I have found that teachers and students often define healthy teacher: student relationships in significantly different ways. Moreover, I believe that when it comes to developing healthier and more productive teacher: student relationships, students have a lot they can teach us.
Many of the teachers I have spoken with consider healthy relationships with their students in terms of emotional connection and availability, along with time invested in helping students in all manner of activities. They talk about the importance of developing deep connections with their students, epitomized by care, concern and an emphasis on strength-based feedback.  In this they highlight their belief in emotional accessibility and connection. They also talk about great teachers consistently âgoing above and beyondâ suggesting that the investment of additional time and energy in students reflects their commitment and care. These ways of relating can, however, place an emotional and exhausting burden on a teacher, especially when that teacher is investing in many students, and/or students with significant challenges.
In contrast, students often focus on the importance of teachers supporting their agency, competency and belonging with specific behaviours and attitudes. Rather than emphasis on emotional investment, or positively skewed feedback, they emphasize the teacherâs ability to support each studentâs voice while maintaining a consistently fair approach. In this, students identify four distinct elements which characterize teachers' investment in student agency, their topic and overall class equity.  These four important elements of teacher: student relationships, as understood by the students, are as follows:
- The support of visibility and student perspective â Students talk about the importance of being seen and heard by their teachers. For example, several students who have struggled to follow school behaviour policy, have told me how much they resent not being asked about their perspective in a situation.
One grade-eight student from a co-educational school in Sydney, talked about always being in trouble for their unwanted behaviour in class. They emphasized the importance of being given a voice, often believing they were the victim of other studentsâ provocations rather than proactively creating disruption.
âThey never ask me what happened, or what is going on from my point of view. They just go straight to telling me off or sending me out of the roomâ.Â
In contrast, many other students praise teachers who ask them for their perspective on a situation, before making any decisions. Â For example, âMr. [X] is the best teacher ever because he always asks if you are OK when you are lateâ said one grade-eleven girl, from an independent school in Perth.
Similarly, a grade-six boy from a Melbourne primary school told me âI love my class teacher because she always listens to my point of view when I am in trouble.â This quote speaks to the importance of being heard irrespective of any judgement of the behaviour per se.
The importance of visibility overlaps with students' desire for classroom life to âbe fairâ. In fact, many students will state that one of the key reasons they dislike teachers who do not listen to their point of view, is because this leads to a lack of fairness in classroom life. The emphasis students place on a need for fairness speaks loudly to the importance of supporting equity in every classroom.
The value of asking students for their perspectives also emphasizes the power of conversation in supporting prosocial behaviour development. As one grade-seven boy, from a Melbourne high school, told me âRather than give us an automatic detention, nine times out of ten, we just need a conversation and a bit of supportâ
- Enthusiasm for their topic and for the students â Students want to believe that their teachers love their topic and believe in the potential of their students to master that topic, no matter their studentsâ current levels of competency, or speed of progress.
Research conducted by Professor Richard Ryan and John-Marshall Reeve tells us clearly that teachers can support student engagement by being engaged themselves[ii]. If a teacher loves their subject, they are far more likely to ignite enthusiasm in their students. If they believe in the potential of their students to successfully learn their subject, they are far more likely to support their studentsâ self-efficacy and self-belief. In this, healthy teacher: student relationships are not so much about teachers loving their students or investing in them emotionally. They are about teachers loving their subject content and believing in the potential of their students to be successful learning it.
If teachers are struggling to feel enthusiastic, they need to be given time and guidance to rekindle their love for their topic. This process can be helpful for staff wellbeing as much as it can be helpful for teacher: student relationships.
Moreover, if teachers are struggling to believe in the potential of students who appear disengaged or disruptive, it is important that they are given time and opportunity to better understand their studentsâ motivation (or lack of it). In this they need to be guided to consider how they might help their students engage more fully in day-to-day classroom life. It can be helpful for high school teachers to spend time remembering the enthusiasm and hope of early learners. This is a meaningful way of encouraging a belief in the potential of every student to re-engage in learning, and master their topic, even if they have experienced disengagement previously.
- Providing feedback that offers opportunity for improvement, and resubmission â The intention and focus of feedback is another essential element of teacher: student relationships, as well as a driver of student academic growth.
Students want a chance to build on feedback and to improve their performance. As such, they are far more likely to consider their relationship with a teacher to be positive, if that teacher offers constructive feedback that supports opportunities for ongoing learning, resubmission, and growth. This is true of feedback about academics, and also about social behaviour.
Feedback that provides a judgement without explanation or opportunity for growth is, after all, not really feedback in its truest sense. Rather, unexplained grades or comments that do not invite improvement are frequently viewed as unhelpful and demotivating, even when filled with praise.
- Supporting choice and ownership â Students want to have ownership over their learning as much as is possible given the constraints of the curriculum. They are far more likely to praise a teacher who offers them opportunities to choose various aspects of learning that make most sense to them and fit most comfortably with their preferences and personality. There are many ways in which students can be given ownership and choice over their learning, even when the content of the learning is largely fixed.
Dan Pinkâs bestselling book on motivation âDriveâ talks about supporting choice across four âTâs of learning: Time, Task, Technique and Team[iii]. Consider the following examples to consider (adapted from The Positive Schools Big Wellbeing Handbook)[iv]
- How much autonomy do students have over TIME spent learning â for instance, when they need to begin or end a task?
- How much autonomy do students have over their specific learning TASKS in the class â for example, can they have input into their specific learning focus, topic, examples or approach?
- How much autonomy do students have over their TECHNIQUE for learning in the class â for example, the way they collect and collate information, the way they present their learning?
- How much autonomy do students have over their TEAM in class or out-of-class activities â for example, how free are they to decide who and how many peers they work with? How confident is each student to bring their unique voice to a group discussion?
Understanding student needs from teacher: student relationships is incredibly valuable for many reasons. My conversations with students across Australia emphasize the importance of teacher: student relationships. More specifically, they propose that teachers can develop powerful and positive relationships with their students through acquiring certain skills and attitudes, irrespective of their emotional investment in the students. It also shows that it is the style and beliefs driving the student: teacher relationships that matters, not necessarily the time and energy spent âabove and beyondâ school expectations.
Teachers do not need to ride the emotional roller coaster of childhood or adolescence with their students, nor is it healthy for them to try. They do not need to always find something positive to say or offer relentlessly positive feedback. They do not need to operate outside of the boundaries of their professional capacity. As has been said by many an overwhelmed teacher, it is emotionally exhausting to try to love them all, all of the time. Rather, teachers do need to believe that the students deserve to be seen and heard, and have the potential for success, no matter who they are or how they perform right now. They then need to act with these beliefs held high.  In this, I believe that healthy teacher: student relationships work best when they support self-determination in the students, as opposed to prioritizing emotional connection, unbridled positivity, or befriending students in class.
The four elements of healthy teacher: student relationships have been identified by more than 500 students I have spoken with in 2023 and 2024, from a broad range of Australian schools. All four elements focus on teachersâ âautonomy supportive behaviourâ. They speak to the importance of teachersâ belief in the value of their subjects, and the potential of all young people to learn. Moreover, they speak to the power of relational approaches to supporting positive behaviours, engagement and motivation.Â
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[i] Dai, Pinyu (2024) The Influence of Teacher-Student Relationship on Students' Learning Lecture Notes in Education Psychology and Public Media 40(1):240-246
[ii] Reeve, J., Ryan, R., Cheon, S. H., Matos, L., & Kaplan, H. (2022). Supporting Studentsâ Motivation (1st ed.). Taylor and Francis
[iii] Pink, D. H. (2011). Drive: The surprising truth about what motivates us. Canongate Press
[iv] Street, H. (2024) The Positive Schools Big Wellbeing Handbook. Wise Solutions: Australia
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